Swimy Swimy Sea Horse: Inside Hatori Sohma's MIND
by XSora-ChanX
Summary: So what does the distant dragon doctor REALLY think? Some weird thoughts, that's what! Read this and you will be disturbed. As in, for life.
1. That's called cow tipping!

**Note: Haha. I haven't seen an inside Hatori's mind floating around. And I just heard a line in a song that says "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage" and it make me think of Yuki everytime I hear it. It makes me think of him talking to Akito. I don't think I really know why talking to Akito, because Yuki talking to Akito dosn't remind me of this song.**

**It's a new life mytsery. Oh, and there are some refrences to Naruto in here. Just so you know -**

**Disclamer: (Insert Cool Disclaimer Here)**

**Warnings: OOCness-icity, Language, Crossdressing, A bit of...well, not really, but...pervyness? Nah, no, it's not. Or is it?**

**---**

So me, Akito, Haru and Momiji had a bet on how many times Akito has been sick

I said 1000.

They said 10000.

---

Damn them.

They beat me.

Now I have to do their laundry.

---

Akito and Haru, darks.

Momiji, lights.

That wasn't hard.

---

Damn. I have to fold it, too.

---

Oh. My. Akito.

What's this?

---

"That's not mine."

Lehgaspo.

---

That means...if it's not...

---

"Yeah? So what if I crossdress? So what if I like to feel pretty? What do you care you stupid dragon?"

I didn't just hear that come from Haru's mouth..

---

Damn. Kagura just walked by.

Damn Kyo in all his...cat-ness-icity.

"What did you just say!"

"Damn."

---

Still, she's hot.

"What?"

"Damn."

---

Screw everyone.

"OKAY!"

---

Momiji didn't just say that. And Akito didn't just say she's too sexy for her shirt.

"Yes I did!"

Damn, that's a creepy thought.

---

I like that word.

Damn.

It's fun to say.

Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn.

---

"Shoot me now, I'm sick of all my relitives!"

"Okay."

BLAM.

That was fun.

---

"Hatori-oji-chan, why did you just kill Hiro?"

"Because he told me too."

---

Damn.

The police.

"It was...Isuzu!"

Haha.

They arrested her.

Haha.

---

HEY! You disrespectin' me, you know, you gotta keep 'em seperated!

---

Damn.

It turns out Hiro was shocked into a coma and I actually shot a dead lady.

How the hell I did that, even I don't know.

He's alive.

Damn.

---

So Momiji screwed everyone.

"Because you told me to!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

I didn't say "..."

Ha ha ha.

---

"(Pushes Haru over) That's called cow tipping! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

Damn. I hate Black Haru.

---

"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage!"

"Yes, we know, Yuki, now go screw Tohru."

"Will do!"

"(Dramatic Pause)"

---

Kyo jumped off the roof.

Just kidding. It was Tohru.

Damn moron.

---

Screw you.

---

I'm going ghost!

Just kidding.

I'm going Goth!

That sounds fun.

---

That damn moron jumped off the roof again.

Actually, she fell.

Moron.

---

"What are you doing, Shigure?"

"Your mom."

He was. It was so wrong.

---

I'll be your garage band king!

---

"You can be MY 'garage band king'(winkwinknudgenudge)"

"(Dramatic Pause)"

So, anyway, Akito DIDN'T just say that.

---

"I'm a monkey!"

"We know, Ritsu. Now go and screw something."

"I'M SORRY!"

"(Poke)"

That was weird.

---

Damn. Akito's raping Kureno.

---

I am Corn Holio!

---

Fear the chicken.

"Why?"

"Because you got raped by Akito, Kureno."

"Oh."

---

Yeah. We're going to you momma's!

---

I love Kana.

And Naruto.

Just kidding.

I hate Sakura. She sells herself on the street corner to pervy guys like Shigure.

---

Hahaha...Sexy Jutsu.

---

Fear the orangeness of Kyo's head. FEAR IT, DAMMIT!

---

DIE, KYO!

Hestole my word, oh hell no.

---

HEEEEEEY Macarenia!  
**---**

**Author's note: This is a result of my scatterbrainededness-icity. Haha, that word is MINE! So is lehgaspo. Oh, and we all hate Sakura and she can go jump off a cliff with Tohru 'cause we don't like her either.**

**Scatterbrainededness-icity. Hah.**


	2. And I Dance, I'm a Kitty Cat!

**Author's note: Part 2 in a shoe! Heeheehee!**

**Disclaimer: I own...good question...but not Fruits basket!**

**---**

"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage!"

"Stop angsting here, Yuki. Or I'll throw this cat at you."

"Whatever."

"(Throws Kyo at Yuki)"

---

That was damn special.

Damn.

Yeah. It's still my word.

---

"Damn."

"YOU STOLE MY WORD KYO AND NOW YOU SHALL DIE BECAUSE IT WAS DECIDED IT WAS MY WORD AND WHAT HAS BEEN DECIDED CAN'T BE CHANGED AND IT HAS BEEN DECIDED BY NONE OTHER THAN ME, HATORI-RI-RI!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

I'm dizzy. I said all that in one breath.

Woo.

--

I went to Shigure's house but everyone was gone.

I first went and looked through Shigure's stuff.

I found a lot of hentai. I read them.

And I found a cookie.

I ate the cookie. It was peanut butter.

I love peanut butter.

---

Then I went through Kyo's stuff.

He has a lot of stuff but I found a love note to Yuki.

That yaoi freak.

---

Then I went through Tohru's stuff.

She had a ton of hetai hidden. I read it. Take that, damn flat-chested perverted moron.

I also found yaoi pictures.

There were some of Kyo and Yuki, and some of Shigure and Ayame. Yeah.

---

I didn't get to go through Yuki's stuff, because they came home. Damn them.

---

"It's peanut butter jelly time!"

"Right, Kyo."

---

DAMN HIM!

He's stealing my word and my peanut butter!

Damn Kyo to the bowels of Akito's rooms.

---

"I hip, hop, I hip and I hop and I just can't stop, my bunny ears flop and you can help your mom if you sweep and mop!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

Uncle Richard, he's a weirdo. Passin out pictures of himself in a speedo.

---

That reminds me of Shigure.

"I know why. Remember last christmas?"

"Oh, yeah."

SCARY MEMORIES!

---

"HATORI!"

"What?"

"Are you my garage band king?"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"WELL?"

"No."

"I HATE YOU!"

---

That was odd.

---

Haha.

Some girl beat Kureno with a pole because she thought he was a rapist.

Haha.

---

"That's not funny, Hatori!"

"Yes it is, Kureno!"

---

Haru just proclaimed to the world he's the king of all cows. I cow-tipped him again.

Cow-tipping Haru is fun.

---

Yeah.

---

Look at me, dacin' around! Look at me, dancin' around!

"That's nice, Hatori."

"Ayame?"

"No, it's Akito."

"Was that sarcasim?"

"NO IT WASN'T YOU IDIOT!"

I feel stupid.

---

We all did the maceraina. It was weird.

Then we forced Kureno to do the Chicken Dance.

He was all, na na na na na na na!

It was hilarious.

Now, to make Kyo do the Kitty Cat dance!

---

The secret identity of Super Retarded Dog has been reviled.

It's...SHIGURE!

So now when he enters a room we sing, "S-U-P-E-R, R-E-tarded! D-O-G!"

Haha.

---

LEHGASPO.

Kyo was doing the Kitty Cat dance!

He was all, "And I dance dance dance, and I dance dance dance, and I dance...I'm a kitty cat!"

---

"I saw beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, oh, beans lots of beans, lots of beans lots of beans!"

"Umm...right, Haru."

"Seriously! That's what I saw when Magical Trevor dissapeared me!

"And then you sing, 'They're coming to take me away, HAHA!'"

"DAMN YOU!"

"DAMN YOU! YOU STOLE MY WORD!"

---

Yelling is fun.

---

Damn.

Tohru and Kagura fell off the roof.

Tohru actually knocked Kagura off it.

I HATE YOU TOHRU YOU DAMN MORON!

---

That's hot.

**---**

**Author's note: Yeah. This isn't as all over the place as the first one, but I like it.**

**S-U-P-E-R, R-E- tarded, D-O-G!**


	3. Peanut Butter is Sexy!

**Author's note: I'm listening to a morning show and they have the background music from Angels in Airwaives...heh.**

**---**

Merp.

---

Everyone is a moronic idiot.

Heh.

Moronic.

I like that word.

---

"I've been thinking..."

"S-U-P-E-R R-E-tarded D-O-G! That's new, Shigure."

"Shut up! Haa-san is MEAN!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"Anyway, my secret identity has been reviled. So..."

"What?"

"I forget. Merp!"

Shigure, you area Naruto-obssesed moron. Seriously, he dressed up like someone he called "Hatake Kakashi". Right. Moron.

---

"HATORI!"

"What?"

"I forgot!"

Akito is a moron, too.

---

"Hatori?"

"What, Yuki?"

"I forgot."

THESE PEOPLE ARE MORONS!

---

"Ha'ri!"

"WHAT?"

"I think I umm"

"What?"

"I forgot."

"(Anger mark)"

---

"HATORI!"

"What, Kyo?"

"These people are morons."

"Why are you telling me?"

"Because I AM THE BOOOOX GHOOOOOST!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

Kyo shall join the relmn of the insane people.

Like Haru, the ruler of all cows.

Speaking of Haru, muh hahahahaha.

---

"(Cow-tips Haru)"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

That's getting old.

I need something new.

Hmm.

I GOT IT!

No, that's to Akito-ish.

---

I shall eat peanut butter now.

Peanut butter is sexy.

Because I said so.

---

"Go granny, it's yo berfday!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"Fine, you don't like me rapping?"

"No, Momiji. Frankley, it scares me."

"Okay. Then I'll SING!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"Oh baby when you talk like that, it make a woman go mad, so be wise, and keep on, reading the signs of my body!"

NOOOOOO! My right eye!

---

"Hatori-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-ri-"

"What?"

"What's wrong with Hatori-oji-chan?"

"Momiji blinded me, Kisa."

"How?"

"Have you ever seen him try to belly dance?"

"Oh."

---

If I go blind in my right eye, I'm gonna sue!

Yeah. For two million billion trillion quadrillion sextillion yen! Muh hahahahahahahah-

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, Hiro."

---

SextillionIS actuallya number.

It's six...something.

That's my new favorite number.

---

"MY FAVORITE NUMBER IS 13, HATORI!"

"Why, Tohru?"

"BECAUSE! If the cat was in the zodiac, then there would be 13 animals!"

"Umm, right."

"I am the box ghost!"

"There are no boxes here."

"BEWARE! (Runs away)"

---

Right.

"HATORI!"

"Is today annoy Hatori day?"

"No, that's the 15th. But you didn't use 'dotdotdot'"

"Yeah, and?"

"You are my new favorite person!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"See? (Hugs Hatori)"

"GET OFF ME!"

---

RAWR.

Fear me.

---

Dora, Dora, Dora the EXPLORER!

"No!Iit's Kisa, Kisa, Kisa the EXPLORER!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"BEWARE OF THE BOOOOX GHOOOOOST!"

"Go away, Kyo!"

---

"I'M A BULL RUN WITH ME!"

"(Dramatic pause)(Tips Haru over)"

I'm bringing Haru-tipping back.

---

Lean with it, rock with it.

"Hatori! Your a suky gangsta! Wit a 'A'! It's 'Leen wit it, rok wit it1'"

That was scary. All spelling skills, gone.

---

I have a confession.

I found a website that you marry characters from anything and I married--

Dramatic pause.

MYSELF!

"Hatori?"

"What?"

"Why would you marry yourself?"

"Why are you the box ghost?"

"BEWARE!(Runs away)"

---

Damn moron fell off the roof again.

---

"Why do you keep falling off the roof?"

"Umm, because, uh, KYO PUSHES ME!"

"Tohru?"

"Hmm?"

"You suck at lying."

"I'm sorry!"

"(Poke)"

Hey, it works with her, too!

---

I love me.

Hey! They have KANA on the website!

(Marrys Kana)

Wheeeee!

---

I will marry Ayame and Shigure to make them happy.

(Marrys Ayame and Shigure)

---

I'll marry the "Box Ghost" because ghost are sexy.

(Marrys Kyo)

---

And I'll marry Yuki so he'll get off of me.

(Marrys Yuki)

"YAY!"

"GET OFF ME!"

---

I'll split up with Yuki.

(Splits up with Yuki)

---

When life gives you lemons, stick them in your shirt to make your boobs look bigger!

That's my new favorite quote.

---

I just realized.

I'm married to 4 guy.

Including me.

That's weird and yaoi-ish.

I'm a yaoi. Woo!

---

Your mom is a yaoi, like ME!

Actually, she would be a yuri, but screw that.

"OKAY!"

Damn Momiji.

---

Hell yeah. Damn's still my word.

---

Tohru has lemons in her shirt.

Damn her, she's a moron.

---

Akito's thinking about plastic sugury.

That's kinda funny.

Heh.

---

"BEWARE OF THE BOX GHOST!"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because, ghost are sexy."

---

I. Am. A. Yaoi. And. Proud.

I should make it a club.

The "I. Am. A. Yaoi. And Proud. Club."

Or, it can be the "IAAYAP".

Yes, the "A" and the "And" get an A because they're sexy.

And it can say "Aaya" in the club name.

That's cool.

---

"BEWARE!"

---

Kyo. Is. A. Sexy. Ghost.

**---**

**Author's note: I found a website that you can marry your favorite characters and I married Ayame, Hatori, Kyo, Shigure, and Yuki. And a pickle. Heh, I feel special. MY SEXY PICKLE! Yes, it's sexy. Hah.**


	4. Yaoinessicity!

**Author's note: Heh. Heh heh. I'm sagging my pants. But I'm wearing black short-shorts under it. Hah. And there's a LOT of yaoi, just so you know.**

**Disclaimer: I disclaim stuff!**

**---**

Heh. Yeah. Hell Yeah.

It sucks to be me!

It's a song. That rocks.

---

"You are the wind beneith my wings."

"Umm, okay, Yuki, now, GET. OFF. ME!"

"Ha'ri! You married me!"

"I also split up with you."

"That makes me sad!"

"Yuki!"

"What?"

"Just join IAAYAPC!"

"The what?"

"The I. Am. A. Yaoi. And. Proud. Club."

---

One member. Now, lets see, who else?

---

"Aaya!"

"What?"

"You have to join something!"

"Otay!"

Damn, that was easy.

---

"Shigure!"

"What did I do? I swear I, umm, DIDN'T throw Tohru off the roof!"

"No, you have to join something?"

"Why?"

"Aaya's in it."

"COUNT ME IN!"

Moron.

---

Now, lets's see THE LIST TYPE THING!

Hatori, Aaya, Shigure, Yuki, Check.

I know!

---

"Kyo!"

"I am not Kyo. I am the sexy box ghost FORMALLY known as Kyo Sohma."

"Fine, The sexy boxghost FORMALLY known as Kyo Sohma, will you join something?"

"Yes. Because I am a sexy box ghost."

Haha.

---

"KUREEEEEENOOOOOO!"

"What?"

"Join the IAAYAPC, Kureno!"

"Okay."

---

"HARUUUUUUUUU!"

"What?"

"Join something and be with Yuki!"

"Yuki? OKAY!"

"(Cow-tips Haru)"

---

"MOMIIIIIJJJJJJIIIIII!"

"What?"

"You're a yaoi, join the club!"

"Okay!"

---

Now let's see THE LIST TYPE THING!

Hatori, Aaya, Shigure, Yuki, Kyo, Kureno, Haru, Momiji,Check.

Woo. 8 people.

---

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAL!

---

"Welcome to the I. Am. A. Yaoi. And. Proud. Club!"

"YAAAAAY!"

"We need rules. Rule one: Kyo and peanut butter are sexy."

"Rule two: You must be a yaoi."

"That's good, Yuki! I never though of that!"

"Shut up, Ayame."

"Rule three, umm, you can't join if you've been raped by Akito!"

"Okay, bye everyone."

"BYE KURENO!"

"Rule four: Hatori is our sexy leader"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"Wow, umm, thanks, Kyo."

"I. AM. THE SEXY BOX GHOST FORMALLY KNOWN AS KYO SOHMA! GET IT RIGHT!"

And it went on. Being yaoi is fun. We were making--

Peanut butter cookies. Haha I know what you were thinking.

Pervert.

---

Kagura! I LOVE YOU!

"Really? But you're a yaoi!"

"I know! But you are sexy like Kyo and peanut butter!"

We had sextillion cookies.

I know what you were thinking.

You are NOT sexy like Kyo and peanut butter!

---

Haha.

Kureno isn't a yaoi. But the rest of us are.

Because yaoi is sexy.

And Kureno isn't sexy enough.

Kureno got beat with a pole for being a rapist.

"It. Is. Not. FUNNY!"

"YES IT IS! You're just not sexy enough too see that!"

"I'm sexy."

"No you're not."

---

Kureno's not sexy.

But me and Kyo and peanut butter and Kagura and NOT you are.

I'm damn sexy.

---

"I'm too sexy for my shirt!"

"Shigure! Ayame!"

"What?"

"You are singing in your sleep again!"

"Oh, we are? It's because we are sexy."

Hell yeah they are.

---

I'm still married to them. And Kyo and me. But since I'm the seahorse, and the seahorse guy have the baby, I'm the damn woman.

Damn the sexy people.

---

"Kyo!"

"What?"

"You're sexy!"

"I know!"

---

That was odd.

---

Sexyness rocks.

---

Some girl named Sora said I was married to her.

"I married you!"

"You did?"

"Because I am currentlyobssesed with you! And I have no idea why, but Iruka!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"You can be sexy, too!"

"YAY! HA'RI CALLED ME SEXY!"

---

Wow. I'm not a complete yaoi.

But, Yaoiness-icity is sexy.

Hell. Yeah.

**---**

**Author's note: I heared on the radio thay were playing a song by Panic! ****at the Disco 2 times at the same time. It sounded cool XD. This chapter is VERY sexy. Heck. Yes.**


	5. Avatar is on so I can't think of a name!

**Note: I just sang the whole Cloud song when I was opening this to check stuff...yeah. I love the Cloud song! YAY! 20 reviews, that's the most! and only one flame! I'm special! YAY FOR THE SPECIAL! And I have orange hair! Seriously! YAY!**

**Disclamer: I do not own the coolness known as Fruits Basket. But that would be cool.**

**---**

Yeah.

I'm not thinking.

But then, you wouldn't be reading this if I wasn't.

Let's go and confuse Shigure!

---

"HAA-SAN!"

"What?"

"Since you are the dragon and the dragon is a sea horse and you are a guy and the sea horse guy has the babies, can you have a baby?"

"That may be possable. If I were to compulate, I might possably be impregnated.

"Huh?"

---

That was fun.

---

My name is Cloud, I have a sword, I fight cacturs, because I'm boerd!

"Hatori? You have and alternate personality?"

"Yes, Tohru, now go have Shigure throw you off the roof."

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!(CRASH)"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

No. Oh, hell no.

Ayame is trying to steal my sexy leaderisum!

---

"No way Ayame!"

"Pleeeaaaaaase?"

"No. Way. Ayame."

"Fine."

---

Yeah. I know. I totally rock your socks. If your wearing any.

Sora's not.

"So what? Being sockless is fun!"

"I'm not wearing any socks either."

"(Dramatic pause)"

"Sora? HEY!"

"What? Oh, just thinking."

"That's new."

"HA'RI'S MEAN! (Hugs Hatori)"

"(POOF)"

---

"RAMEN!"

"No, you remember what happen last time."

_Flashback_

_"RRRRAAAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEEEEENNNNNNNNN! I ate lunch with a spoon because that's how I roll!"_

_"(Dramatic pause)"_

_End Flashback_

"Oh, right, Hatori."

"Yeah, now, go, umm, screw,something."

"RIGHT AWAY!"

Momiji scared me sometimes.

---

I'm the greatest, I'm the greatest.

"SPIDER-MAN! SPIDER-MAN! SOMETHING I CAN'T REMEMBER, SPIDER-MAN!"

"Erm, Kitty?"

"What?"

"Why did you sing that?"

"Screw you."

"I can't."

"But I can!"

"GO AWAY MOMIJI!"

---

"Kyo?"

"I am the sexy box ghost FORMALLY know as Kyo Sohma!"

"Right. Where's Haru?"

"Over there. He said he's the sexy ruler of the cows FORMALLY known as Hatsuharu Sohma."

"He can't declare himself sexy!"

"But he did."

"Screw him."

"OKAY, HA'RI!"

"GO AWAY MOMIJI!"

---

Something's wrong with him.

"I'm mating like a rabbit! Because I am a rabbit!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

"(Cow-tips the sexy ruler of the cows FORMALLY known as Hatsuharu Sohma)"

"Hey! You can't cow-tip me! I'm sexy!"

"Fine. (Sexy cow-tips the sexy ruler of the cows FORMALLY known as Hatsuharu Sphma)"

"That's better."

"(Dramatic Pause)"

---

"I'm too sexy for my shirt!"

"Tohru, umm, no you're not."

"Hatori, you're mean!"

"Well, you're flatchested!"

"You're blind in one eye!"

"You're a moron!"

"You, umm, you, serve Akito!"

"You are overly-perky!"

"Damn. I'm out."

"WORD STEALER!"

---

Hah. I won a diss-fight to Tohru.

"So what?"

"I'll beat you, too, Kyo!"

"I. AM. THE. SEXY. BOX. GHOST. FORMALLY. KNOWN. AS. KYO. SOHMA!"

"Whatever. You're a cat."

"You're partly blind!"

"You're weak!"

"Part of you're name means chicken!"

"You have orange hair!"

"You erase people's memories!"

"That's cool! You have anger management issues!"

"You have weird hair!"

"You can't beat Yuki!"

"You, umm, damn, I'm out."

It's fun not having a ton of disses.

---

"Shigure."

"What?"

"Ayame."

"Hmm?"

"Ritsu."

"Yes?"

"You are all, umm, morons!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"I'M SORRY!"

"(Poke)"

---

Ritsu is throwing poo. After all, he IS a monkey.

"I'M SO SOOORRRRY! I APOLIGIZE TO YOU ALL, THE WHOLE PLANET, AND THE MARTIANS, TOO BECAUSE I EXIST! I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE! I'M SORRY I EVER WAS BORN AND I PUT HE BURDAN THAT IS ME ON THIS FAMILYYYYY! I'M SO SOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYY!"

"Shigure?"

"What?"

"What was that all about? And why is he throwing poo?"

"Because he had the urge to throw poo and then he yelled at himself about it."

"Right."

---

I can speak Japanese.

Big shocker there, right?

Desu.

---

Shigure is singing "Woman". He's weird and a moron.

---

"So long and good night..."

"Hatori, why are you singing an awesome song by anAmerican band?"

"Because. MCR rocks."

---

If I don't make it through this,

Tell Ayame,

He's weird.

---

I love MCR. I shall go emo!

"Hatori is bi?"

"Mehbeh."

I have eyeliner on. And I stole some clothes from Akito, but since I'm the tallest person here, they don't fit.

Damn them to the bowels of Akito's room.

---

"I suck."

"I know, Hiro."

"Hatori, you're not helping!"

"Thank you, Rin!"

Well, she sucks, at least. She's not in the anime.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

---

"Kureno is weird."

"Why, Kisa?"

"He's not in the anime."

"And you are?"

"Umm, yeah, I am."

"Damn."

---

Sometimes I give my self the creeps, sometimes my mind plays tricks on me, and it all keeps adding up, I think I'm cracking up!

That reminds me of Yuki. Hahaha.

---

It's peanut butter jelly time!

**---**

**Author's note: That does remind me of Yuki. I don't know why. Andmy sister called me Kyo because of my orange hair. I called her Sakura because hers is pink.**

**Payback. Even though I was calling myself the "Self-proclaimed cat of th zodiac."'Cause I'm cool like that.**


	6. It's not rape!

**Note: ****GROWWL I typed part of this chapter and it didn't save. GROWWL. I dedicate this to all orage haired people! Like Kyo! And me!**

**And I also dedicate this to the refriderator on my porch because it's sexy to have one on your back porch.**

**Disclamer: I do not own the coolness known as Fruits Basket or the happy song. But that would be cool.**

**---**

"I'm really special 'cause there's only one of me! Look at this smile, I'm so damn happy the people are jelous of me! When I'm sad and lonly I like to hear this song, it cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long OHOHOH I'm so happy, I'm a sugar coated me! Puppy dog and sugar frogs and kittens, baby teeth! Watch out all you mothers, I'm happy as harcore, happy as a coupon for a 20 dollar whore!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

That was, umm, damn special of Kyo.

"Then I'll sing more because I'm damn special like that."

"Kyo--"

"I can't do this man, I'm not happy."

"Good."

"I'm really special 'cause there's only one of me! Look at this smile I'm so damn happy that the people are jeolus of me! These are my love handles, and this is my spout, but if you tip me over than momma said knock out. I am special I am happy I'm am gonna heave! Welcome to my happy world now get your shit and leave!I'm happy I'm good I'm, I'm outta here! Screw you!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

Wow.

Shigure is watching Naruto again.

What a damn obssesed freak.

"Who are YOU calling obssesed?"

"Erm, you?"

"DIE! YOU DON'T DISS NARUTO LIKE THAT!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

Damn. My foot's asleep.

I'll walk it off. Don't worry, there's a "Be Back Soon Walk It Off" sign on my door.

I'll just walk in the direction of Kana's place.

And to pass the time, I'll sing.

I'm really special 'cause there only one of-DAMN YOU KYO!

Damn you to the bowels of Akito's bedroom.

I'm evil.

---

Hahaha. I'm at Kana's.

I swear I'm not a stalker!

"Hello, Hatori-san, why are you spying on me? Especially when I'm in the shower. Are you stalking me?"

Damn, I'm caught! RUN AWAY!

Oh, well, I got some good pictures of her.

Damn. Drool.

---

OH. MY. AKITO!

Everyone's lying dead on my front porch!

I'll washthem off them bury them in Akito's rooms! Only damned people can go there! I'll spray them off with a hose!

---

Oh. Damn.

They're alive.

"Why were you sleeping on my porch?"

"Because we were sleepy."

"Oh."

---

That makes sense.

---

Kyo is raping Yuki.

"It's not rape."

"Then what is is?"

"It's sex he didn't know he wanted."

"Oh, then it's okay."

"GET OFF ME KYO YOU STUPID CAT I DIDN'T WANT THIS!"

"Suuuuuuure you didn't."

---

That was, umm, damn special.

"I know I am."

"No you're not, Kureno."

---

Damn chicken.

I'm going to make chicken for dinner and hope it's his mom.

But I won't eat thechicken breast. That's just gross.

---

"Hatori! Kyo's raping me again!"

"It's. Not. RAPE!"

"It's not sex that I didn't know I wanted, either!"

"Yes it is! Get back here!"

"Yay. Yaoi."

"Yaoi! Where!"

"Over there, Kitty! Let's go!"

"Buh hahahahahahaha!"

"Kyo, don't evil laugh when you're raping people."

"Okay."

---

That. Was. Odd.

--

"Wait a minute, Hatori, how would you know not to evil laugh when raping people?"

"Umm, uh, BEWARE!"

"Hey! I'm the sexy box ghost!"

---

I developed my picturesof Kana. I was stairing at them and drooling when Momiji came in.

"Don't you have someone to screw, Momiji?"

"Umm, Yuki, but Kyo's raping him again."

"Then rape Kyo."

"OKAY!"

Haha. Three-way-yaoi.

I'm bringing my camera.

---

Damn you, Kitty. She stole my Yuki-Kyo-Momiji three-way-yaoi pictures.

Damn her to the bowels of Akito's bedroom where Akito rapes people.

"It's not rape, Hatori."

"Then is is sex they didn't know they wanted?"

"Yes."

---

Oh, right.

Spell check dot netis a real website.

That's awesome.

---

Holy Haru! I haven't sexy-cow-tipped him yet!

"(Sexy cow-tips the sexy leader of the cows FORMALLY known as Hatsuharu Sohma)"

I feel better.

---

I'm really special 'cause-DAMN KYO TO THE BOWELS OF AKITO'S BEDROOM WHERE SHE RAPES PEOPLE!

**---**

**Author's note: That was special. And it's not rape! Just don't tell the Texas hippie XD**

**And the foot asleep thing I came up with when my foot went to sleep when I was taking out the trash. Yeah, I'm special.**


	7. When Life Sprays You With The Hose!

**Author's note: This song came on and one line goes, "So help me Jesus" and I sang, "So help me Yuki" Hahaha.**

**SUBMIT TO ME! Hahaha.**

**Disclaimer: I own...good question...but not Fruits basket!**

**---**

Yeah. I'm boerd.

And Tohru is a sleazeball.

Yes, sleazeball.

Tohru is a sleazeball.

---

"Don't you mean cheeseball?"

"No, Yuki, because that would be perverted and a Haru and Yuki yaoi type thingymabobber."

"Screw you."

"OKAY!"

"MOMIJI. GET. OFF!"

Camera ready.

---

Momiji is a horny toad.

It's a real animal! I swear! It's the state something of Texas!

"State reptile or something."

"How do you know, Haru?"

"Because."

"(Sexy cow-tips Haru)"

---

Yeah.

Sexy cow-tipping is fun.

---

Aren't you sick of "When life give you lemons?"

Well, I came up with another saying.

When life sprays you with a hose, have a wet t-shirt contest.

Hey, it's better than "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade".

And sexyer.

---

"Hatori-oji-chan, I think you're a pervert."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. When I say 'Those are nice melons', what do you think?"

"My dear Kisa, you don't want to know."

"Hatori-oji-chan, why are you drooling?"

---

I'm a pervert.

That makes me feel damn special.

Because damn is my word.

---

"Hatori, you're a pervert."

"How can you tell?"

"Well, let's see, you're hugging me so you can feel my lady-ness."

"Ummm, well, yeah, you caught me Kagura.Let's go be horny toads!"

---

We jumped around like toads.

I know what you were thinking.

Not sexy pervert.

---

"Kyo! Let's take down the perverts of the world! Truce?"

"A very SEXY truce. DIE HATORI!"

"NOOOOOOOO! YUKI'S A PERVERT, TOO!"

Hahaha. They got off me.

---

I'm a pervert, I'm a pervert.

---

Are we having fun yet?

--

"Momiji, you're a horny toad."

"I KNOW!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

I don't think he heared the word "toad".

---

WOAH.

Yuki told Tohru that she was delirious and I thought he said she was delicious.

So either he's a pervert or a cannibal.

I know! He's both!

Like Haru.

---

"Saaaassssuuuuuu...I love you!"

"Shigure, stop talking to that picture of that'Uchia Sasuke' person."

"Why? HAAAAA-SAAAAANNNNN, I don't want to."

"Ayame's making you quit smoking, isn't he?"

"Nooooo, I'm a horny toad!"

"What?"

"See? (Hops around the room)"

Oh, he's delirious.

---

"EWW, HATORI SAID SHIGURE WAS DELICIOUS!"

"I SAID DELIRIOUS YOU MORON!"

But now that Kyo mentions it, yummy.

I'm a cannibal pervert.

---

Momiji's being a horny toad.

Seroiusly, get him off me! This is rape!

"It's not rape, it's sex you didn't know you wanted!"

"Get off me."

---

Gah, gotta get away from the horny toads.

I'll drive away since I'm the only one who can drive.

I'll drive in the direction of Kana's house.

---

Oh. Damn.

Her husband's home!

RUUUUUUNNNN!

---

I'm back.

I'll just go look at my pictures.

---

Kyo is still a sexy box ghost.

**---**

**Author's note: The horny toad IS a real animal and it IS the state reptile of Texas! Hahaha, I feel special. My state animal is a horny toad. And this was short. And possably the most perverted. WOO!**


	8. My Favorite Color is Virgin!

**Note: Yo. I'm updating! WHY ARE PEOPLE MEAN TO HATORI? EVERYONE'S MEAN TO HIM! RAWR!**

**Disclaimer: Do I look like Natsuki Takaya-sensei or anyone who owns the other stuff I don't?**

**---**

"My humps, my humps my humps my humps! My lovely lady lumps! Check 'em out!"

"(Dramatic Pause)"

---

Note to self: Don't ever sneak into Ritsu's room to watch him sing "My Humps", as it is distrbing.

---

Yo. I love that word.

"It reminds me of Kakashi-sensei!"

"Go away Shigure, it's not the 15th!"

"Awww, I'm telling Yuki to change Annoy Hatori Day!"

"(Dramatic Pause)"

---

I'm a ninja, I'm a ninja, it's my birthday, it's my birthday!

No, I'm not. Shigure made me sing that, the damn moron.

---

Momiji claims he's a horny toad. That's just wrong.

"Momiji, you're a horny toad."

"KAAAAGUUUUUURAAAAA! Come back! Someone told me to screw everyone and I haven't done you yet!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

There are, like, no virgins left.

But me, the 27-year-old virgin.

That sounds like that move.

---

"MOMIJI IS THE HOTTIE WITH THE BODY! MY FAVORITE COLOR IS VIRGIN!"

"What the hell?"

---

Some girl randomly appeared and it was weird.

Beside,s she stole my favorite damn color.

Virgin.

---

"Booty booty booty booty rock it everywhere!"

"Whose are you talking about?"

"YUKI'S!"

"Kyo, that's just yaoi-ish."

---

Our sexy box ghost is a yaoi.

Not like you didn't know, I mean, come on. Who dosn't?

You DO know boys pick on their crushes, right? And do you even PAY ATTENTION to how much he picks on Yuki?

KyoXYukiforever.

---

I woke up and found a rabbit in my bed.

Seriously, it was all fluffy and brown.

You pervert! Not Momiji! He hasn't caught up with me yet!

---

You know what I just realized?

I'm the only virgin out of the Mabudachi trio.

That's weird.

---

Blahblahblah.

---

Kisa deemed Kyo a pervert, too.

She told him the same thing she told me.

I was there

_Flashback_

_"When I say, 'Those are nice melons', what do you think?"_

_"I think you are talking about someone's boobs!"_

_"(Dramatic pause)"_

_End Flashback_

Yeah.

Poor Kisa.

---

I just found something out.

There's a song called "Like a Virgin".

Ayame and Shigure play it everytime I go into a room.

Damn them to the bowels of Akito's bedroom.

---

I'm boerd.

Holy Haru, I thought of something to do!

---

(Sexy cow-tips Haru)

---

Okay, NOW I have nothing to do.

But I'm not letting Momiji catch up to me!

I shall hold my head up high when I enter a room and Ayame and Shigure play that song!

BECAUSE!

I'm proud.

---

I know! I'll annoy Shigure!

---

Heeheehee, I hid his Naruto junk.

Take THAT!

---

"KYO! This is rape!"

"No it's not! It's sex you didn't know you wanted!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

This is boring.

---

YAWN.

---

Kyo is still a sexy box ghost.

That's sexy.

---

Heh. I'm still thinking about Kisa's pervert test.

It reminds me of something from anot to longago.

_Flashback_

_"Hey, good lookin', you know what? Your mom is over there. Hello, pillow."_

_"Kagura, are you drunk?"_

_"Umm, uh, look! (Flashes everyone)"_

_End Flachback_

Hell yeah.

---

Damn that moron, Tohru was thrown off the roof.

WHY WON'T SHE DIE!

**---**

**Author's note: I didn't have any ideas, this one was forced >. Yeah. And the girl that randomly appeared and said Momiji was the hottie with the body and said her favorite color was virgin was based off my sister. At least, those are my sister's quotes. Yeah.**


	9. Kyo's still in, you know

**A/N: We went to Six Flags today and we saw this 4-D thing and one part was supposed to be a saw and the seat was all vibrating and the perverts behind us were giggling. Perverts. And I'm still all loopy from the rides. And I didn't get to go on the teacups thing because people kept throwing up on it. Seriously. Both times I went over.**

**AND! SORRY FOR STEALING THE IN HEAT THING! Ijust did a science project on cats and that was part of the article I read. This is for Teh Future Mrs. Kyo Sohma because I stole the in heat thing! I didn't mean for it, I started writing it and decided to catch up onthe story it's from and yeah. Insperation struck and Ire-wrote the chapter. I didn't like the first one, anyway.**

**---**

You wanna know what's creepy?

Those identity theft commertials with the old lady with some tough guys voice.

Or that huge guy with the teenage girl's voice.

Those. Are. Frickin'. Weird.

---

Heh.

Old ladies are funny.

I don't know why, though.

---

"Kyo, get off me."

"No, Hatori!"

---

Kyo scares me sometimes, too.

Maybe he's in heat.

After all, he's a cat.

---

"Shigure, has Kyo been acting, umm, strange?"

"Yeah, he's been meowing a lot and rolling onto his back."

"Okay."

Just as I suspected. In heat.

---

Don't worry, it's only once a year.

Thank Akito.

---

You may be wondering how I know this.

Because Sora-chan does.

Don't ask why. Stupid science project.

---

But, wait.

If he's in heat, then that means...

Lehgaspo.

---

"Kyo, are you a girl?"

"Damn. You caught me."

"So, you are a female?"

"Cat. A female CAT. Not a female person."

"How does that work?"

"Have you even SEEN my shirtless scenes? Or noticed when I'm a cat--"

"Umm, I'll just run along now."

---

Heh.

Melons.

Heh.

---

I watched the beginning of some Austin Powers movie.

I want a mini me.

And a "Time Machine" so I can make trillions! Wait, why make trillions when you can make,

Dramatic pause and closeup.

BILLIONS.

(Does Doctor Evil's pinky-thing)

---

"KYO!"

"What?"

"Be my mini me!"

"Umm, but I'm, uh, umm, you know."

"Huh? Oh. Fine. I'll ask someone ele. Someone EXACTLY one fourth of my height."

---

"HIIIROOOO!"

"What?"

"Be my mini me!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"OHMYAKITO! HIRO SHUT UP! IT'S THE APOCLYPSE!"

"Haa--"

"ARMEGEDON!"

"NO!"

"That makes Ha'ri sad."

Oh, well. Who wants some snot nosed bratty kid for a mini me, anyway.

---

Kyo's still in, you know.

I think he's faking because he enjoys it.

Sora-chan just said Kyo is still strictly a yaoi (If Momiji and Yuki count as guys)in that department.

How she know, I don't WANT to know.

---

Oh, and Sora-chan just said she had bunny ears on right now.

STOP POINTING OUT USLESS INFORMATION, SORA-CHAN!

---

Kyo's not strictly a yaoi "in that department"anymore.

He's a yuri as a cat.

Don't ask me how that works.

I'm a doctor, not a sex-ed teacher!

---

"(Sexy cow-tips Haru)"

"Hatori, is Kyo still in, you know."

"Yea, he's in heat. Stay away from him."

Do cows go into heat? That's something I'm NOT Googling.

And it's not a pretty picture.

Can't you just see it? No?

Well, I can.

Flapdoodle.

**---**

**A/N: The "flapdoodle" is from this commertial I just heared. And something I noticed, either Kyo's a girl cat or someone got him fixed.**

**For all the fangirl lemon writersout there, he's not fixed.**

**Woot. I love Snow Patrol. And it still sucks two SEPRATE people threw up on the teacups. But still funny.**


	10. KYO! YUKI! Not in my room!

**Note: Yo. Heh. I saw Nacho Libre.**

**NACHO! NACHO! NACHO!**

**Disclaimer: (Insert Disclaimer here.)**

**---**

You know what?

Boob is a funny word.

Heh.

Boob.

---

Sora-chan would like to point out that she thinks boob is a funny word.

Thank you, Sora-chan, no one cares what you think, this "Swimy Swimy Sea Horse: Inside HATORI SOHMA'S MIND! Not SORA-CHAN'S MIND!

---

"Aww, HA'RI! You're so mean!"

"Weeellll, I won't be mean if you do something."

"What?"

"(Whispers in Sora-chan's ear)"

"Sure, I guess she can(the rest is bleeped out for drama)."

Score.

---

Heh.

Boobs are funny.

---

Woah.

I was this commertial and there was a web site adress thing at the bottom and it was like 800better something or something like that and the 8 looked like a B.

Heh. Think about it.

---

Hey, what's the first two sillables of Kakashi?

HAHAHA.

---

"My little Sasu shall take over your mind, Ha'ri!"

"What the hell?"

Hello. I'm Uchia Sasuke. I tookHatori's mind. Fear.

GET THE HELL OUT OF MY MIND, SASUKE!

Why, whatcha gonna do about it?

Naruto, get outta here. Fear.

Fine! Gosh! (Leaves)

YOU TOO, SASUKE!

No.Fear.

GET THE HELL OUT!

Fine. Gosh. Fear me as I make my sexy exit. (Sexy leaves)

Wow. Sora-chan is a very odd person. And she's easily amused.

Fear.

GET OUT, SASUKE!

---

Sasuke is now part of my mind.

Yeah. Fear.

So, anyway, Sora-chan should be doing what I told her to do around now.

---

"(Flashes everyone)"

"Again, Kagura!"

"(Flashes everyone!)"

"(Drools)"

Woah. That's hot. Fear.

"One more time!"

"(Flashes everyone)"

NOSEBLEED! FEAR!

Heh, Sasuke died.

I have my mind back.

That rocks.

---

KYO! YUKI! No sexing on my bed!

---

Damn.

---

Yeah.

---

Hey, Miss Murder can I, take my life WOAHOHOH!

Hell yeah.

AFI rocks your socks. Off.

---

KyoXYuki Forever. Still.

Sora-chan is thinking about a yaoi about them.

Called "What to Do in an Awkward Situation"

Hell yeah.

I'm reading it.

---

"(Sexy cow-tips Haru)"

Hey, I heeded something to do.

---

KYO! YUKI! What'd I tell you about doing that!

Fine. I'll get my camera.

Hell yeah.

---

Take me down to the paradise city, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty!

Hell yeah.

Sora-chan and Hatori think that song rocks.

---

Kyo! Yuki! Ah, screw it.

Heh.

That's kinda funny cause they're, yeah.

---

Momiji, get off me!

"You told me to screw everyone!"

"NOT ME!"

"Oh. (Puts clothes on)"

---

I eat some bugs, I eat some grass, I use my hand, to wipe my--

Dramatic pause.

Tears.

---

Yeah, you're out there picturing Kyo and Yuki in my room.

Me, too.

That's nosebleed worthy.

---

(Insert the Twilight Zone music here)

---

Damn Kureno to the bowels of Akito's room where she rapes people!

Hell yeah.

**---**

**Author's note: I feel like a perv, but I'm still thinking of Kyo and Yuki all, yeah. And I am going to write the "What to Do in an Awkward Situation" ****story. It's weird and based off this Naruto and Sasuke thing. Heh. Yeah.**

**AND! I forgot to mention, Sora-chan IS me. Yeah.**


	11. I must be EEMO!

**Note: Yo! I was reading through the other chapters and I read a quote from my friend Slayer-kun I put in here (He yells ARMEGEDON! when we're saying it's the end of the world) and System of a Down reminds me of him and I was listening to System of a Down when I read it. Weird.**

**Disclaimer: Do I look like Natsuki Takaya-sensei or anyone who owns the other stuff I don't?**

**---**

Damn you, Kyo and Yuki.

Damn you to the bowels of Akito's bedroom.

Why?

THEY WON'T GET OUT OF MY DAMN ROOM! GO HOME!

---

تين. انا هاتوري.

Hah. Betcha didn't know I could speak Arabic.

Or did you?

---

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!"

"Kyo, everyone knows that."

"Oh, umm, BEWARE! (Runs away)"

Erm, right.

---

Stop my breathing and slit my throat, I must be EMO!

---

The emo song. Fear.

DAMMIT SASUKE, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

Whatca gonna do. Fear.

I'll get Sora-chan. SORA-CHAN!

Yay! This is confusing!

Your teddy bears in my head.

SASU! (Takles Sasuke) PIGGY BACK RIDE!

I hate you, Hatori. Fear.

Don't mess with the sea horse.

---

Hahaha. Shigure looks jealous of Sora-chan, who's on Sasuke's back.

Hahaha.

---

"Shigure, are you jealous of Sora-chan getting a piggyback ride from Sasuke?"

"What, oh, NO!"

Sure, Shigure. Keep wishing.

---

"Hatori!"

"What?"

"I forgot. I'M SORRY!"

"(Poke)"

---

Ritsu scares me sometimes.

Wait, SOMETIMES? He scaresme ALL THE DAMN TIME.

---

Do you like corny puns?

What time is it when you eat five pounds of beans?

Two-FARTY! HAHAHA!

"Sora-chan, stop being stupid."

"Aww. (Ish sad)"

---

Do you want to eat Ned Flanders?

---

ASS.

---

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

---

"Sasu, come back!"

"Shigure, don't rape the poor boy."

"AWWWWWW!"

I didn't need to know that.

---

Momiji, get back here!

Don't sneak into Hiro's room in the middle of the night!

Wait, Hiro?

GO ON AHEAD!

---

Get bonnie come back.

"Sora-chan, are you letting your five year old brother write part of this story?"

"Mehbeh."

"You Kyo, your Kyo! -pppk,op"

"I'll take that as a yes."

---

Sora-chan will now let her brother write this.

yiuuiuhyjyihynmkmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmgfdsdjhadsjfisa!

Sora-chan's brother wil now run away.

---

SHIGURE! Let Sasuke go!

**Author's note: I have to stop writing for now. My brother's being REALLY annoing.**


	12. Guys are lesbians and girls are gay!

**Author's note: All-well,a lot of-the music I listen to angsty. Like Linkin Park and MCR and Breaking Benjamin and Hawthorne Heights. And I wonder why people ask if I'm emo.**

**Disclaimer: I own(Dramatic pause)NOT Fruits Basket! Or anything!**

**---**

"I will try and find my place in the diary of Jane!"

"Yuki, who's Jane?"

"I don't know."

---

You know what?

Guysare lesbians and girls are gay.

Guys like girls andgirls like guys, right?

When they do, guys are lesbians and girls are gay.

---

"KIIISAAAAA!"

"Yes, Kagura?"

"MY LESBIAN LOVER!"

"What? Don't you love Kyo?"

"Yes, Kyo's my straight lover but you're my lesbian lover!"

"Oh."

"What the hell?"

"Oh, hi, Hatori!"

---

That was damn special of them.

Heh.

Lesbian lovers.

Heh.

---

"Where's Yuki?"

"He doesn't live here. Who are you three girls anyway?"

"Damn, he's not here. ONWARD TO THE NEXT SOHMA HOUSE!"

"What the hell was that?"

---

Wow. That was special.

---

"HATORI!"

"Yeah, Ayame?"

"Me and Gurewrote a song about you! Going to work!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"Hatori's the man, going to work! Got his tie, got his,um, I forgot the rest. GURE! WHAT'S THE REST? (Runs off)"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

Wow. That was very damn special.

---

"You poop-head!"

"You poop-ass-head!"

"HATORI! KYO'SBEING MEAN!"

"Well, Yuki, you DID call him a poop head."

---

I love Hot Topic.

It's all...cool.

Yeah.

They had a Kyo shirt.

My sexy box ghost!

---

I was watching Sora-chan draw.

She claims I ruined her picture by drooling on it.

Well, it's her own damn fault!

She didn't have to draw a chick in a tube top and a mini skirt!

"It's not a mini skirt! Or a tube top! It's her bra 'cause she unbuttoned her shirt and het feet are up so her skirt fell back!"

"Yeah. And you drew it from the side, so you can't even see anything."

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

"You know what? I prefer a girl in a dress or nothing at all. And I don't have a dress."

"Pervert. And you have that red dress that you stole from Kitty, the one that Kyo wore?"

"You're a poop head, Kisa!"

"Momiji! Kisa! If you're going to make out, do it somewhere else!"

---

Hell yeah.

Korn.

They rock.

---

You know what?

Sora-chan would like to finish this with something to say.

"Thank you Hatori."

"Poop head, just finish this chapter!"

"Fine! (Sticks tounge out at Hatori) I have to do something dramatic."

"(Drumroll)"

"(Does the macerania)"

"(Falls over)"

**---**

**Author's note:We came up with the guys are lesbians thing. It was after school and we called Texas Hippie it and he called himself a lesbian. It was weird. And you know what else is weird? I'm listening to SWITCHFOOT while writing this, a CHRISTAN ROCK BAND. This story isn't exactly Christan, is it. HAHAHA!**

**Hatori: ****And Sora-chan does do the macerania like that.**

**Sora-chan: Go away!**

**Ayame and Shigure:**** (Hold up a Hi Mom sign)**


	13. And Emo Update! LEHGASPO!

**Author's note: Yay! I'm BAAAAAAACK! That's scary, ey? Where did that Canadian come from? Hmm. Must ponder this while you read this Emo update for Angel-san.**

**Disclaimer: I own a copy of the latest issue of Shonen Jump...**

**---**

This is an Emoupdate to explain our emo hair and clothes.

For someone called Angel-san.

---

"I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny when a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thingh in your face you get sprung!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"What's wrong, Hatori? You like it too."

"I know, Kyo. That wasn't very emo of you, though."

---

Holy Haru!

I forgot to cow-tip Haru in my last chapter!

(Sexy cow-tips Haru)

That's to make up for it last time.

---

"Yuki, you make a good emo person."

"What? Are we supposed to be emo?"

"You're not acting?"

"No."

"(Dramtic Pause)"

---

Sora-chan dosen't look very emo.

"What's wrong with blue short shorts and an almost white cami? It's my pajamas!"

"It's 1:52 right now. In the afternoon."

"(Dramtic Pause)"

---

(Sexy cow-tips Haru)

---

I have a to-do list.

Ayame, Shigure, Kyo, Yuki--

Wait, wrong to-do list.

Eat cookie, kill Shigure's books, write yaoi for Yuki and Kyo.

---

(Eats cookie)

---

Check.

Now, let's see, what's next?

---

(Burns every one of Shigure's book)

"I didn't write Make Out Paradise!"

"Oh. My mistake. You know, at the end of Make Out Tactics, I really liked--"

"NO! I'M NOT DONE WITH IT!"

"--and then she--"

"(Slams door)"

Hahaha, that was fun.

---

Write Yaoi is left.

---

YAY! I'M DONE!

Wanna read part of it?

Well, I can't.

This story might be T, but not mature enough for THAT.

---

Hmm.

Should I work on my OTHER to-do list?

Nah.

---

"Screw you, Kureno."

"OKAY!"

"MOMIJI! GET OFF!"

"Hold it! I want my camera!"

---

I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!

**---**

**Author's note: Yeah. The to-do list is Kitty's to-do list. The one with eating a cookie. Not the other one. But I have a feeling if she did have one, Shii-chan and Naruto might be on it.**

**Because that's how the cookie crumbles.**


	14. I know where you live!

**Note: I went to the store and I had to get dish washing soap, and I randomly picked one and it was lemon-scented and I thought, "That's perverted! Eww!" Actually I said it, and i was alone, so...**

**Disclamer: I do not own the coolness known as Fruits Basket. But that would be cool.**

**---**

Lalalalala.

"Hatori, you suck at singing."

"Whatever."

---

You know what?

I went to a bar and ordered a sex on the beach and the bartender looked at me funny and she said okay then we went outside.

It was steamy.

---

Hmm. There's a guy on the radio wearing a Speedo.

"Hatori? Why are you looking like that?"

"No reason."

---

Lehgaspo, look!

It's

Dramatic pause

GAARA! Hey, don't ask. Shigure tied me up and made me watch Naruto. I BLAME HIM!

"Hi, Gaara!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"Gaara? Are you alive?"

---

Hmm. I wonder if Gaara's alive.

---

"Hatori, what's the point of Fruits Basket?"

"To have hot steamy sex!"

"WHAT!"

"Oops, I mean, have you asked Akito?"

---

Erm, uh, yeah.

I'm boerd.

---

"(Sexy cow-tips Haru)"

Now what?

---

If you go on to yahoo and look up "Sakura no eyes" you get this really weird picture.

It's almost hentai.

---

How the hell do you know you love someone before you meet them?

There's a song that goes like that.

---

"Hatori!"

"What?"

"(Hits him over the head with a bat)"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"HATORI BASHING!"

---

"(Holds un a 'Hi Kit' sign)"

"Sora-chan, get out of the story."

"(Holds up a 'Hi Rain' sign)"

"GET OUT!"

---

Did you know there was this guy and this girl that met over Myspace and they got married and they never met in real life?

It's true.

"BELIEVE IT!"

Sora-chan is making random refrances to Naruto right now. Ignore her.

"Uchia pet! My Uchia pet!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

"I want a little dog!"

"Tohru, may I ask WHY?"

"Because!"

"Okay then."

"I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!"

"I know where you live, too. Beware or I may rape you."

"EEP! (Runs)"

----

Fear the duck or he may be forced to rape you.

---

"That's hot."

"Tohru, you're not Paris Hilton."

"SHE'S MY HERO!"

"You're hero is a slutty whore?"

"Maybe."

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

DIE!

**---**

**Author's note: Erm, right. I'm listing to the radio and they're playing the vows for the two people who met over Myspace and never saw each other before in their life. That's weird.**

**That's a true story.**


	15. I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world!

**Note: I'mma gonna write this story up until school starts! So...there will be LOTS OF CHAPTERS because school dosen't start until the 23. Of August. And that's, like, five days after my birthday. Fear.**

**Disclamer: I own the ability to talk really fast and in really long sentances. Nothing else.**

**---**

What a beutiful wedding. What a beautiful wedding says the bridesmaid to a waiter, but what shame, what a shame that Tohru is a whore!

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

"Eep! Akito, you're scary."

"No, I was just gonna say YES SHE IS! but that's cool, too."

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

Did you know they added "unibrow" the dictionary?

"That's hot."

"Tohru..."

"I'm Paris Hilton."

"Don't you have someone to sleep with?"

"NO! It's a dog."

"DON'T RAPE AKAMARU!"

---

Sora-chan would like to say that while she wrote "Paris Hilton" a song by Paris Hilton came on.

But she promptly ignored it.

---

"It sucks to be me!"

"Yuki, stop angsting here or I'll throw that cat at you again."

"Relese your inner emo! I cry because I suck."

"Join the angsty club."

"Alright."

---

So, Yuki dragged me to the angsty club meeting.

"My name's Yuki from Fruits Basket and I'm angsty because I was an abused child."

"My name's Rin from Fruits Basket and YUKI STOLE MY REASON!"

"My name's Sasuke from Naruto and I'm angsty because my brother killed my clan and I can't kill him. And I have crazy fangirls and people pair me with a crazy loser all the time."

"My name's Murtagh from Eragon and I'm angsty 'cause the evil lord-type-guy made me join him."

"My name's Hatori from Fruits Basket and I'm angsty because Yuki dragged me here."

Then they shared angsty stories and ate cookies.

Then the had a steamymake-out party.

Just kidding.

---

"YOU MET SASUKE WITHOUT ME! HATORI!"

---

"(Holds up a 'Hi Rain and Kitty')"

"SORA-CHAN!"

---

"(Poses)"

"(Poses)"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"Hi Barbie!"

"Hi Ken!"

"Do you wanna go for a ride?"

"Sure Ken!"

"Jump In..."

"I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world! Life in plastic, it's fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere! Imagination, life is your creation!"

"Come on Barbie, let's go party!"

"Yuki, Haru, what the hell was that?"

---

"ASK ME ABOUT MY WEINER!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

"What? I'm a HOT dog."

"(Hysterical laughter)"

---

"Oh, I'm having so much fun!"

"Well Barbie, we're just getting started!"

"Oh, I love you Ken!"

"YUKI! HARU! Where is this going? Do I need to get my camera?"

---

There's a song that goes "Bounce witit, bounce wit it, lean wit it rock wit it!" and it sounds like they're talking about boobs.

YAY BOOBS!

---

"I'm a Barbie girl in a--"

"STOP IT!"

**---**

**Author's note: I'm gonna write a YukiXHaru yaoi based of Barbie Girl. Because it's funny! YESSSSHHHHH**


	16. Hana's Hoistry

**Note: BRASS MONKEY CHUNKY, THAT FUNKY MONKEY! Erm...it's on. Fear. (Where did Sasuke come from? Ah, well. (glomphs)) Anyway, we were driving along and I saw the Hana store. It's a real place. Creepy. But I thought of Hana and nearly laughed. **

**Disclamer: I own nothin'. Yuppers, nothin'. Wait, "Yuppers?" Uh...**

**---**

So I was walking down the street the other day when I passed a store.

I'm not gonna tell you what's it's called yet.

Anyway, they had a sign that said "Socks underwear lingere"

So, of course, Hatori Sohma HAD to go in.

And you know what it was called?

HANA'S HOISTRY.

It was owned by one of Tohru's friends.

---

"Yo, Yuki."

"What, Hatori?"

"Ya wanna cow tip Haru?"

"Sure Ken!"

"NO MORE BARBIE GIRL!"

"I AM THE BOX GHOST!"

"THIS WHOLE FAMILY NEEDS A COUNSLER!"

"WHY ARE WE YELLING?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"NARUTO! YAY!"

---

Yes, the hyperactive blonde ninja appeared and one of Sora-chan's friends chased him as Sora hugged Sasuke and the two pused Sakura off a cliff.

"Hatori?"

"Yes, Sora-chan?"

"Life is good."

"Gaara wants boobs!"

"(Screams and runs away)"

---

Sora-chan said she is an Indigo.

"Well, you have to admit, I DO have a lot of the traits. And so does my brother."

"So?"

"I am an indigo! Don't make me eat your face!"

"Try it."

"(Eats face)"

---

"KYO! YOUR SONG'S ON!"

"I can't escape this hell, how many tries I've tried (Keeps singing)"

"Actually, it reminds me of Zabuza now. SORRY!"

"Who's Zabuza?"

"SORA-CHAN! GET OUT OF THE STORY AND LEAVE KYO ALONE! YOU KNOW HE'S SEXY!"

"So?"

---

LANCE BASS IS GAY.

He admited it.

"Up next, the un-cool Kyo-kun."

"Who?"

"Inside joke!"

"NO INSIDE JOKES!"

"Ninja of the night!"

"NO INSIDE JOKES!"

"TT.TT fine, poophead."

---

I was just thinking.

Why do guys look at girl's boobs?

I mean, I don't get why.

"Because. We, umm, like it?"

"Thank you, Shigure."

---

"OMFA! Kit-chan slept with Sasuke!"

"WHAT!"

"Inside joke!"

"DAMMIT, NO MORE INSIDE JOKES!"

---

Livin' in beverly hills!

---

You know what?

Me and all the guys in the anime weresinging "I'm too sexy".

Because we are.

---

"What do you get when you fall in love?"

"You tell me, Tohru. Or commit suiside."

"(Commits suiside)"

YAY!

---

I need a goal in life.

But I can't think of one.

---

Linkin Park ownz.

**---**

**Author's note: (Angsts along to Linkin Park, thinking about Zabuza and Haku from Naruto) Yay.**


	17. You stupid children I will kill you all!

**Author's note: I went to see John Tucker Must Die and I thought of a story based of the movie.**

**"Kyo Sohma Must Die".**

**Because he's a fanfic pimp. Oh, and when I walked in I was being insane with my sister and said loudly, with a weird accent,****"You stupid children, I shall kill you all!" then I evil laughed. I bet people were stairing.**

**Disclaimer: All I need is love...**

---

"Oh, you know my hips don't lie and I'm trying to feel you boy! (Keeps singing)"

"Oh em ay! Kyo's singing Shakira!"

"HEEEEY Macarena!"

"Kakashi-sensei! I thougt you were in that apartment with Iru--"

"(Covers Sora-chan's mouth) SHHHHH! (Poofs away)"

"O.O"

---

"Sasuke is MINE! You stupid children! I shall kill you all! (Evil laughs and pulls out a HUGE sword)"

"Oh em ay! Sora-chan wil kill us all!"

"Victory!"

"Don't I get a say in this?"

"No, Shigure. (Holds out sword)"

"Eep! Okay, you keep him!"

"(Peace sign and walks away with Sasuke)"

"(Dramatic Pause)"

---

"Vrei sa pleci dar numa, numa iei, Numa, numa iei, numa, numa, numa iei. Chipul tau si dragostea din tei, Mi-amintesc de ochii tai!"

"I didn't know you could speak that launguage, Momiji!"

"Ja!"

"Well, Sora-chan says she can out-numa numa you any day!"

"No I didn't! Move on to the pervyness!"

---

Boobs.

Funny things, really.

"How so?"

"Kyo, you know why."

"Becuase we are perverts?"

"You catch on quick, grasshopper."

"WTF?"

---

Sora-chan is singing Dragostea Din Tei.

She feels special.

---

"You are flatcheasted and a yaoi-lover. How are YOU special?"

"My mom says I'm special on the inside!"

"(Dramatic pause)"

---

"Sasu, these people are being mean!"

"Huh?"

"Kill them!"

"You have that sword you stole from Zabuza's grave."

"Oh, right. GET OVER HERE, HATORI!"

Oh, crap.

I must cut it off now as I run away.

"GET OVER HERE!"

"(Grabs popcorn and a video camera)"

"SHIGURE!"

---

**A/N: Yes, I singing the Numa Numa. I love that song XD And I stole Zabuza's sword. If you don't watch Naruto, look up Zabuza under pictures on Google or Yahoo. That sword's frickin' huge O.O**


End file.
